Some days you read the news and ask yourself, “WHY?!” This is one of those days.

In a new interview with Deutsche Presse-Agentur, David Hasselhoff said his next studio album will include “a couple of heavy metal songs.”

“Why not?” said The Hoff. “I do not have an album title yet, but it should read: ‘Everything is allowed’. I do everything. Because I can. Because I want to.”

Hubris aside, I think most of us can agree that no one really asked for Mitch Buchannon to dabble with metal. In the spirit of this news, here are five other things no one asked for.

Denim Underwear

The chaffing this undergarment would bring alone is enough reason to just say no, and that’s not even factoring in the outrageous $315 price tag.


Chocolate Hummus

Experimenting with flavors within reason is great, but chocolate or any sort of dessert hummus is just wrong! We don’t need chocolate-flavored hummus, because hummus-flavored hummus is a delight as is. Just look at the reaction of the Queer Eye guys when asked if chocolate hummus was “Fab or Drab?”


The latest Addams Family Reboot

It’s not that The Addams Family Halloween looks bad, but when we’ve already experienced the dynamite chemistry of Anjelica Huston and Raul Julia as Morticia and Gomez, what’s the point of recasting? We’ve already experienced hot goth perfection!


PBR Whiskey

Earlier this year, reports surfaced that Michigan-based New Holland Brewing Co. submitted a label request to the U.S. Department of Treasury’s Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau (TTB) in December 2018 and received approval for a new whiskey called “Pabst Blue Ribbon Whiskey.” Hopefully, it’s just a novelty that won’t last long, but the sheer thought of the 80 proof whiskey that is “aged 5 seconds” is enough to give most people hangover symptoms.


AMC’s 59-Hour Marvel Movie Marathon

With the Avengers: Endgame premiere on the horizon, AMC is pulling the ultimate publicity stunt by hosting an insane marathon of all 22 Marvel Cinematic Universe films at three different AMC locations in the United States. No one is clamoring for this, especially the poor theater ushers that would have to clean up after this sort of thing.

Erica Banas is rock/classic rock news blogger that loves the smell of old vinyl in the morning.

Erica Banas is a rock/classic rock news blogger who's well versed in etiquette and extraordinarily nice.